This is a 100% generalization. It’s judgmental and full of clichés. But since I consider clichés a mouth to mouth type of science and happen to be a quite judgmental and superficial person, I’m gonna do this anyway. I’m gonna make fun of the ones I’ve been/still are dating in Berlin, and I’m gonna take the risk of never getting laid again…
Everything is temporary here in Berlin, and obviously that’s one of the main reasons that everybody’s single.
Everything is temporary here in Berlin, and obviously that’s one of the main reasons that everybody’s single. It’s not a choice, it’s a lifestyle you have to accept. And for me it’s not a problem, I love my single life, especially here. But I have to say that I’m starting to see a pattern to my dating in Berlin. I’m gonna walk you through my list, the list of the stereotype single guys you bump into in Berlin:
1. The Traveller
This guy wants to have fun. And he wants it this instant. Everything has to happen really quickly, I mean tomorrow he has to meet up with some other backpackers at Brandenburger Tor and before that he wants to swallow as many Jägerbombs as possible. He probably lives near Alexanderplatz and your conversation with this guy is mostly built around him begging you for cool insider tips of the “true Berlin”. Or he refers to that time he went on a pub crawl. Repeatedly. He’s happy though, you won’t see the Berlin winter depression in this guy! But he doesn’t waste any time so you better keep up with his pace. Put on double condoms though, just in case…You don’t wanna catch something he picked up in Australia or something.
He’s poor and sexy, just like the Berlin tagline.
2. The Artist
The absolute cliché when it comes to dating in Berlin! The poor artist! Meet up with this one if you wanna listen to a long monologue about Film Noir, name-dropping of people he knows in the business and art gallery openings. He’s probably very, very poor (and not afraid to tell you!), sick of Berlin (but been here for 10 years and counting!) and pretty good in the sack (had plenty of time to practise since he’s never worked! Ever!). Huge chances that he’s a complete narcissist and obsessed with his art. He’s poor and sexy, just like the Berlin tagline. And he’s very talented but has a hard time struggling with his creative mind.
Hate and sex are quite good collaborators.
3. The Rich Guy
The direct opposite to poor and sexy. This one’s got money. He wants to hang out in Mitte where he takes a cab everywhere even though it’s a five minute walk between The “secret” bar, King Size and his very big flat filled with fancy red wine and shirts someone else washed for him. His interests probably lie in sailing, hunting and chess – and you’re probably wondering what the fuck he’s doing in Berlin. I’ve got the answer: he’s working in Start-Ups. And it’s going pretty well for him – this he will definiely let you know! If you’re a little bit like me you won’t get that much inspiration from listening to someone bragging about his achievements in IT – you would probably get very annoyed. Even a little bit hateful. But hate and sex are quite good collaborators, I’m telling you. And then you can delete him on Facebook. But he will most likely contact you anyway, asking you if you want to grab a “spontaneous burger?” even though you had a long discussion about why you’re a vegetarian and about that he shouldn’t just “hunt for fun and then throw the meat away”. True story.
4. The Actual German!
This is rare, but they do exist. This one is nice! At least he tells you! Like, all the time! My theory is that it’s because of all that dark history, but maybe I shouldn’t say that out loud…He doesn’t live in a crappy WG, he has his own flat – that he’s very proud of. Often very pedantic type of person. Cleaning is nothing to fool around with! Actually, you shouldn’t fool around with anything. Everything it’s possible to take very seriously, you should take very seriously. Mostly your own persona. Huge chances that he’s studying law. Even though he breaks it at every given opportunity. Don’t tell anyone though, he’s a nice and clean one, remember?
He’s working very hard on trying to manage to play the exact same beat for hours and hours at clubs.
5. The DJ
This one is mostly in, or on his way to, his studio. His studio is often in his bedroom. And comprises nothing more than a computer. He’s working very hard on trying to manage to play the exact same beat for hours and hours at clubs. His main goal is that the audience won’t be able to hear a difference at all, I think. If he gets booked, that is. Every time you’re playing music for this guy he seems to think it is a performance you’re holding. Comments like “interesting, I usually play in a lower BPM” might come up. Which leads him onto his music, again. Or it’s actually other peoples’ music, which he’s mixing together. On his computer. In his bedroom. Alone. Because that’s what “producing” is.
Don’t laugh. If you do, say that that’s how you sound when you cry.
6. The Old-School Musician
I assure you, the first thing this guy says to you is something like: “I’m making music BUT NOT TECHNO NO WORRIES!” and then he sends you 200 titles of songs that he likes and demands you listen to. He wants you to know where he gets his inspiration from. And then he won’t shut up about it. You never see him play on an actual stage, but he owns a lot of guitars. He hates techno more than life itself. Strong risk that he writes you a song that he’s performing live in front of you. Here it’s very important that you don’t laugh. I mean it. Don’t laugh. If you do, say that that’s how you sound when you cry.
And for me? Well, I’m going on a sex strike.
Article by Emma Karlsson.